Bora writes on...: 2013

Humane

Sayonara, credit: Tatsuo Nambu / Aichi Triennale 2010

when computers
          stopped computing
and phones
     start being smart
can you tell
    an intelligent way
          for tasting humane art?

Leş

asfaltın üstünde cesetler
sis
güneş
ve otoyoldaki leş
bu sabah
hüzünlü huzurla bütünleş.

Yare

Provided from Herman Sheephouse

akıtınca yaşları nur gözünden beriye

gönlünde hiç kaldı mı elem geriye?

sanırsın el hanesi hep şen diye

her ocak yanar kendi kor ateşiyle.

His

bu his de nesi?
bilmediğim bir zamanın
loş hikayesi,
yoksunluk uykusunda
güneş yitmesi,
bu tedirgin
his de nesi?

p.s. chet baker - almost blue

Güneşte

Nude Light on Canvas by Robert Foster

tam o köşede gül,
güneşte;
sadece
sıcacık
ışıklar
kuşan
tenine.

yükselirken yaşça
batıyorsun yavaşça
yarin nefesinden başka
geçidin var mı aşka?

karelerde donmuş her anın
resmidir imkansızlığın
erişemiyorsun zamana
baktığın fotoğraflarda

o sofra kurulmayacak
kadehler çınlamayacak
ailen geri gelmeyecek
yalnız karanlık gelecek

bittiğinde ızdırabın
bir başına kalacaksın
adsız kalabalıklarda
"gölgesiz" olacak adın

Kıskanç

Cain, by Henri Vidal, Jardin des Tuileries, Paris

1. ben + sen = biz
2. sen + o = siz
3. biz - siz = ben

sen + o = biz - ben (2 & 3)
sen + o = sen (1)
o = 0

o bir hiç.

Atam

10 Kasım yaklaşıyor.
Kızım sabah altı buçukta kalkıp böyle bir şiir yazdı:

Atam, güzel atam
Atam, sevgili atam
Onu çok sever vatan.
Özel bir kişidir o
Yurdumuzu kurtaran.
Kalbimiz sevgi dolu
Onu seven her Türk'e.

"Kızım neden böyle bir şiir yazdın? Çok klişe" dedim.
"Atürk afişi için yazdım baba, yoksa hayal gücümü kullanırdım" dedi :)

"Milli" eğitim ve yarattığı zihin...

Sokuşma

Yavrusu, kestane rengi saçlarının budağında yaşar.

Var-Ol

Picasso Behind a Window, 1952, Robert Doisneau

Bazen okuyup öğrendiğim her şeyi bir kenara bırakıp sadece bulunduğum mekanın şartlarını duyumsamaya ve orada basitçe varolmaya gayret ediyorum.

Bir oda, bir yol, bir lokanta, bir sahil... Mekandaki diğerleri ve ben.

Bu gibi zamanlarda giydirilmiş kılıflardan arınma fırsatı yakalıyorum ve sadece bir insan olarak karşımdakiyle muhatap oluyorum.

Boyum, bakışlarım, sesim, temasım, sözlerim, gücüm, hızım...
Kurumlar, öğretiler ve otoritelerce onanmamış olan her şeyim...
Elimde ne varsa kullanıyorum.
İnsanca ve gerçek.

Mekandaki diğer kişiler ile etkileşimin ötesinde, bir başıma olduğum durumlarda da benzeri samimi deneyimler yaşayabiliyorum: Salonda yatmak, dereyi aşmak, kayalara dokunmak, yolumu bulabilmek, şehrin derinliklerine dalmak gibi yalnızca doğal özelliklerimi kullanarak varlığımın sınırlarını algılıyorum. Bazen sadece düşünüyorum :)

Böyle yapınca şehrin curcunasından kaçış, işe ara verme, tatil yapma gibi gereksinimlerim kalmıyor.

Her yer dinginleşiyor.

Data, Big or Not

The contents page of Database Management book by Esen Ozkarahan: Databases were never merely relational ones.

Nowadays, technology vendors of various sizes are knocking the doors of the enterprises and offering them to use their "big data" solutions. These solutions are mostly appliance systems comprise a noSQL database, a data integration tool, a data analysis application and a data presentation application. People are bringing you boxes that are supposed to help you understand your business better so that you can react in a more proper way.

Beyond that aim, I think the industry has a strong tendency for locating big data concept which raises on pales of unstructured data such as voice, image, letters, e-mail, video, social media content etc. It's becoming a sort of fetishism. I know technology leaders and managers who may excrete considerable amount of adrenalin, that you can smell, while talking on big data solutions and the opportunities these solutions can bring.

However, what's the theory?
What do you mean by saying "unstructured"?
What questions would you like to answer for your instutition by using big data?
What are the theoretical limits?

The list of such questions may get longer easily and most of the questions are open ended usually.

My thoughts are...

I think, for the time being, it is not possible to extract a supreme meaning from the stored data flowing through different sources in an insane speed. It's like trying to reach the meaning of life. It's like uploading all Franz Kafka bibliography into a noSQL database and asking: "what is he talking about?". It does not make any sense to me.

I have a few words to say about the non existent "structure" of the data being mentioned. Actually, by naming data "unstructured", we're referring to the fact that data groups have got no known attributes to be stored in classified database entities and because of that, we cannot navigate and process the data easily. I think, in reality, all those data groups have special structures but we cannot apply a "one fits all" data pattern to the whole set. For instance, think of an e-mail you sent to your bank, it, of course, has a structure described by yourself intrinsically. Any one reading your e-mail can point which paragraph is the introduction, in which section you expressed your intention etc. On the other hand, it can be interpreted differently by various readers. Actually, nature and the essence of the text is a very deep phenomenon studied by a large number of philosophers such as Roland Barthes, Jacques Derrida, Claude Lévi-Strauss, Louis Althusser and Michel Foucault. There is no easy equation in this realm.

As meaning distillation from the non structured data sets is a complex process, most of the tools in the market are offering to get not the meanings but the sentiments out of the large chunks of the data gathered. It sounds good but there is a question here for the enterprises to answer: "do you wonder the sentiments of the people interacting with your institution?". If the answer is "yes", your corporations have been expected to save the sentiments of the people your companies are communicating thousands of times an hour through various channels and enrich the structured databases with their state of the feelings already. Moreover, your organizations are expected to analyze the sentiments collected and generate reports about them; and take some actions on the results of the sentiment analysis in practice. If your corporation is not taking these steps and expects to get the feelings of the customers after locating a big data solution, there is an ambiguity there. In addition, we have to keep in mind that sentiments are usually temporary oscillations. Therefore, if you are interested in sensing and processing them, you've got to do it in a timely manner which is another serious problem to solve.

Methods and the traditons of taking care of the data, defining the data and converting them into information and knowledge consecutively is transforming. We are not living in a world of black and white any more. Actually, the world has never been a black and white arena but we were living in an illusion after we have reduced the complexity of life by sacrifying some tastes of it. But the illusion ended. It's no more sufficient. The concept of the data has a weak point that data are very static when you store them in your databases. In contradiction, data usually flow in their natural habitat. The reflection of this natural flow to your database is the "model" you develop while you're defining the data. You can bring the dynamics of real world by using creative data modelling techniques. Models may be used to close the gap between your database and real life, where data generation happens constantly, but unfortunatelly, the models are static either. I'm sure that most of you have heard about the term of "slowly changing dimensions". In a similar approach, we have to devise slowly changing data models for chaging the form of the data in our databases for reflecting the life better in an automated way. To make the story short, I can say that storing the raw data in a noSQL database by omitting the model, that is a very powerful way to inject dynamism to your database, is a very weak approach. You can derive nothing from this pale.

What would be the proper approach?

To me, gathering the facts from a million data sources and putting them in a box for analyzing them later is an already dead method. You have to make your move in the right time, for the right people and you have to come with a meaningful message which is capable of showing the intellectual level of your company.

Simplicity is the key.

Sense the simple events properly and analyze them in a real-time fashion. Use easy to understant and "to the point" scenarios for evalution. Complexity of life is composed of simple but divergent transactions. Therefore, try to define the key transactions of your domain firstly. Then, try to inject the value to the transactions by assessing your institutional processes which are to distinguish you from your rivals.

Your process is your identity.

Data and the tools used for collecting and processing data are mostly the same but the processes of the organizations differ significantly. Let your customers be the actors of your authentic scenarios. People are irrational, but you always try to develop rational and mathematically consistent models for assessing your customers' behaviours, data etc. Try to be humane. Use human beings (your personnel) for communication, sales, giving meaning to the transactions. Some scalability problems may occur; use crowd sourcing or some other creative solutions when it happens.

No magic box can bring your organization money.

Think.

Işıltı

Dün gece İmparator adlı filmi izlerken aklıma geliverdi:

Işıltılı bambu yapraklarının hışırtısı
Sürüyor hafızamda
Rüya!

Kaybedilmiş sevgili özlemi çok ağır olsa gerek.

Sipariş Fişi

Yer: Kitchenette, Kanyon AVM
Tarih: 15/10/2013, Kurban Bayramı 1. gün

Güzel bir gün.
Çekirdek aile, güzel yemek, güzel şarap, lokum gibi hava...
Telefonun bataryası bitti, biz de sipariş fişlerine yazıp çizdik :)

Alttaki bir şiir, bugün yazdım ama sarhoş olduğumdan tarihi yanlış atmışım :))

yüzünü yıkamak istiyorum
makyajını temizlemek
ve yaşlılığını hayal etmek.
küçük yuvarlak
masada
nefesin yüzüme
vursun istiyorum
dizin dizime
değsin
ve göz bebeklerin
büyüsün istiyorum
çırılçıplak.

Elimizde sipariş fişi olunca ailece siparişler yazdık. Sırayla benim, eşimin ve kızmın siparişleri var aşağıda:

Siparişlerim: Huzur, bilgi, alkol.

Eşimin siparişleri: Anlamak, bilmek, ilham vermek.

Kızımın siparişleri: Bebek, huzur, köfte-patates :)

Sonra bir veciz yumurtladım:

"Bir kadının hayatının yanısıra hayallerini de doldurmaya yeltendiğinde kaybetmeye başlarsın."

IBM'den bahsetmesem olmazdı:

Bir de karşı masadaki kısa saçlı kızı çizdim:

Bütün bunlar 10 dakikada oldu.
İyi bayramlar.

Drive

Provided from Underview.

your hands
may cover your breasts
where all my sinful drives rest.

Sexth Sense

I am smelling the shadows you left behind
Hearing your lustful flesh, not so fresh
I am touching the echoes bearing your words through the walls
Tasting your rotten illusions, not so sour
I am seeing the lights not existent in your soul
Sensing your poison in my veins, you once poured.

Do

You do remember
when I do forget
You did
in case I did not do
You do inhale
what I do exhale
Do grab my hand
when I do fear in my own hell.

Contagious

Early in the morning.
Hard in the mouth.
Warm on the skin.
Moist on the bed.

Skirt on the legs.
Shirt on the boobs.
Feet in the shoes.
Red on the lips.

Hours at the office
Eyes on the screens
People on the scenes
Thoughts are obscene

At last, it's about 7 P.M.
You're about to leave the office.
Your best friend is looking for her lipstick in the depths of her bag for minutes.
She gives up and says
"Can I borrow yours if you have your lipstick with you?"

And you give her your Chanel Rouge Allure N0. 104 Passion.

She wears.
So red.
So fresh.
So deep.
So hot.
And...
So contamined by your man's HPV.

She likes you.
She likes the red look.
She's developing a tiny wart silently.

Life is contagious.
Live it.

Bio-Norm

Giorgione, Sleeping Venus

Bütün fikirlerinle, seni iyi ve kötü yapan her şeyinle uzanıyorsun.
Ne kadar da etkisiz uzanıyorsun.

Kapladığın alan ne kadar da az,
Boyun ne kadar da kısa,
Hacmin ne kadar da ortalama,
Ne kadar sıradan uzanıyorsun böyle.

Sözlerin olmasa ne kadar da farkedilmezsin.

Ne kadar da sınırlar dahilindesin böyle.
Tahmin edilebilirsin.
Prensip sahibisin.

Hızın, hareketin, sesin...
Bu sensin.

Çekiver o bezleri,
Ortaya çıksın sıradan tenin.

Kabul Etmeliler!

Bu akşam Baylan'da, mum ışığında kızımla konuştuk ve 7 yaşında birine göre ilginç şeyler söyledi:

- Babalar kızlarının sevgililerini hep sınavdan geçirir zaten.
- Nereden çıkardın bunu?
- Dizide gördüm, Yahşi Cazibe.
- Neden bu sınav?
- Güvenemiyorlar.
- Neden güvenemiyorlar?
- Erkekler...
- ...?
- Erkeklerin huyu işte.
- Peki, ne yapmaları gerekir?
- Kabul etmeliler.
- Ya geri zekalının tekini getirirsen sevgili diye?
- Ben geri zekalı birini getirmem. O kadar mal değilim.

Kabul etmeliyiz beyler. O kadar :\

My Old Writings 17

aynaya bakıyorum banyoda,
sağ tarafta, göz ucumda sen...
yataktayım, uyku tutmazken
sağ tarafta, omuz ucumda sen...
yürüyorum şehirlerde,
cadde cadde
sokak sokak,
sağ tarafta, el ucumda sen...
albümleri açıyorum,
okuyorum satır satır,
resimlerde, sağ tarafta sen...
her kare fotoğrafta canlanıyor anılar,
gözlerim nemli,
bir damla süzülüyor yanağımdan aşağı,
sağ tarafta, içinde sen...
derken,
gün doğuyor,
dönüyorum yüzümü güneşe,
sıcacık, sapsarı umut doluyor içime...
deriiin bir nefes!
ve çarpıyor neşeyle,
ve sol tarafta, sen!
ve dünyanın en güzel gamzesi
sağ tarafta,
içinde ben.
4-7-2001, 02:12, istanbul

My Old Writings 20: Hayat 2

attığım son bakışta

gördüğüm sen olacaksın.

hayatın yumuk ellerini anımsayacağım sonra.

hayat uykuda...

saçında parlayan kızıl güneş,

kirpiğinden düşen ılık damla,

kocaman gözlerin,

ışıltılı,

meraklı.

bir damla da ben koyacağım ılık damlanın yanına.

yıllar sonra,

hayata bir kez daha bakacağım,

hayatı bir kez daha öpeceğim,

hayatı içime çekeceğim,

saçını okşayacağım,

hayata sarılıp uyuyacağım.

hayat uykuda.

13-6-2003, 02:41, istanbul

Shadows at Night

Do you think this is haiku?

Turkish:

karanlık gecede
gölgeler yerde
dolunay!

English:

in the dark of the night
shadows lie
full moonlight!

Below translation comes from my friend Günnur:

gecenin karanlık yüzünde
gölgeler yalan söyler
ay son haddinde

Silence

Image provided from Anam Cara

Do you think this is haiku?
First, Turkish:

Kapı tek.
Gelen yok.
Tak tak!

The English translation is as follows:

The only gate
No one gets.
Knock knock!

Lustful Love

Khajuraho Lakshmana Temple

I was thinking about passionate erotic love today.

Two persons desiring each other badly.

And then, games, touches, wet lips, smells, brutality sometimes... Joie de vivre!

We all know those familiar scenarios but how can this be possible between two individuals?

What factors are playing the descriptive roles shaping all the attitudes?

Common path is that usually, you meet someone and you spend some time with this person, then sexual attraction rises. Finally, sexual intercourse starts. Most likely, this period takes place at the beginning of the relationships. In time, the level of sexual desire between persons decreases...

I think, this lustful interaction between people is possible if you "reify" the person whom you are in a relationship with. You need to perceive the one in front of you as he/she is a "thing" that you really need to occupy. The elements supporting this "desirable object" might be eyes, fingers, breasts, muscles, hair, legs, ankles, toes, moves, voice, nipples, smell, hips etc. all possible proven attributes that sex industry has already packed and served. After adjusting the materialization process, you become able to use the person on purpose: You can touch, grab, taste, eat, penetrate, tie, lock up... anything you'd like. And, of course, most of the times, this is a mutual way of doing things.

I know that I may sound like a director of a BDSM movie but according to my "so called" hypothesis, it is very difficult to keep the lustful love alive in a relationship if you approach your partner as a fragile human being who actually has multi-dimensional qualities, thoughts, pains, weaknesses, deep feelings, traumas etc. Because, all those make the relationship complex, heavier, deeper and too much "humane". On the other hand, in sexuality, things must be done in a light hearted and naughty manner. Actions must be bolder than thoughts are. Thinking too much distracts you, simply kills the fire. This must be a joyful game, a sort of exciting exploration. Therefore, people need to create contexts where they can reify their partners. In other words, set the scene properly for firing things up. Be a mad lover, not a tender mother/father.

In our lives, we are playing our roles in the pre-defined contexts. You may name it office, school, street, family, army, city so on and on... Then you come back home, to your partner, and consider this gathering "real", not a role any more. This is your private life, so intimate... Actually, our "private" lives are not exceptions to the pre-defined context we're already in. If you attracted by this illlusion and try to get real too much, boredom and pain are the inevitable moods you are to meet. This is not a curse, this is not "you" but this is existential crisis. For lustful pleasure, we'd better move away from the "reality".

Keep the joy alive :\

Law & Order

We are living strange days.

Days that teach us the lives, we were thinking they are rising on strong pillars, are just the simulations and illusions. In theory, I have already been aware of the concept of perception based contexts surrounding us. However, experiencing it at first hand shocked me deeply. It's just a real life experiment which makes me feel my life is an experiment with the conditions, set by others.

The feeling of safety, order, trust, security, truth, crime, responsibility, good, bad... everything has just been mixed. I belong to no one. I'm a member of no camp. The only important thing I know is I need to provide a safe environment for my family.

But...

It is not upto me. It's beyond my will and capability.

I believe that the life is something, people need to overcome the minor personal issues in their daily routines such as killing the pain in their heads, finding the right pair of shoes for their bags, taking their cars from service depot fast etc. The human condition itself is a complex thing enough to deal with. Therefore, big narratives are not needed actually. There's no absolute right or wrong in most of the categories that we can understand.

Reality is far from us.

Simulacra.

We are floating in the pool of the signs and symbols referencing nothing real.

We are watching the world from the window which is as narrow as a life time of an average human being and assuming the values, virtues, states, instutions and everything we think we can understand is stable, permanent and strong. But they are not, they just seem so. Widen the window for 200 years and see the change...

It's a paradox.

I watch the crowds yelling, moving, humming, provoking each other...

I watch high levels of emotions driving blocks of people.

I watch the leaders.

I watch the followers.

And I see the behavioral patterns that are natural and primitive and expected.

And irrational.

What we need is our lives. Our authentic and "so called" peaceful lives.

What we need is the feeling of freedom where the existence of the biopower is proven.

What we need is a fresh breath until our death.

Nasihat

bezme yarim, bezme hayat balından
üzme yarim, üzme tatlı canından
gel, çekeyim bir nefes sıcak teninden
gönlüm emanet, bırakma elinden
28-3-2013

Sebep

senden gelir benim
ben olmam senden
kalplerimiz kaynamış aynı cevherden
neşem senden,
kederim senden
yüzümde aydınlık,
gönlümde haz senden
kirpiğinin kenar yerinden.
25-4-2013

Bölüm 1: Rüzgardan Oluşan Kız Hikayesi

Kızım edebiyat parçaladı:

Rüzgar süzülüyor, kız ortaya çıkıyor
Rüzgar ona iyi geliyor
Tüm insanlar onu çok seviyor...

Tolerance and Respect

Struggle of the Two Natures in Man, 1888 by George Grey Barnard

There is a common statement, "I don't support your idea but I respect that", which is accepted as a virtue in the civilized world. I was just trying to analyse the structure and the nature of this idiom and now, I am just thinking aloud: What makes one respect the ideas that make no sense to him?

I think there must be a common thing between two parties, whose ideas are different from each other, in order to make them respect each other's ideas. This common thing must be the method followed by the different parties for reaching their ideas, such that if both parties can understand and give credit to the mental process, the general context and the nature of the dynamics fostering the thoughts of each other, then they may still argue about the opposing outcomes of the process but they are very likely to respect the opponent's conclusions and interpretations.

This is why it is very common to see mutual respect when you examine the words of religious leaders of different religions. Their common points are the context and the method: All of them are talking about the concepts of religion such as god(s), messenger(s), spirits, afterlife etc. Besides, scientists can have totally opposite interpretations after conducting their experiments on the same area of research but as the criteria that regulate the ways of doing scientific research are accepted by both of the parties having different outcomes, they can easily respect each other. This is a way of reflective proof by saying that "Okay, we have different conclusions but we all accept that there is a system called religion, science etc.".

What if you don't believe the path followed by the party stating an idea that you find very stupid? How can you respect that idea? Imagine a group of people saying that they can move remote objects by using their mental power collectively. How can you respect their indication? I cannot. However, I can invite them to prove their claim by using the methods we all agree on. Otherwise, there is no way for me to respect their argument.

Another aspect of this sort of transaction is the power, I think.The party that has less power relatively has to respect the other's thoughts. At least, the weak party needs to pretend to be respectful. Moreover, the more powerful side usually tolerates the other regarding its red lines. Tolerance is promoted as a virtue too but in my understanding, there is no room for tolerance because being tolerated is accepting that you are the weak one, the little brother who talks nonsense. It is the manfestation of inequality even in the realm of the ideas. A world where tolerance is a brilliant value, you can be sure that minorities will stay silent and behave which is very good for order and governance but is not a cradle for freedom and free-will.

I know that this post needs to be enriched by a long list of references but I am a lazy guy spending his lazy Sunday on his couch :) Just tolerate.

Sen Bana Aşıksan Ben de Sana Aşığım

Kızım bugün şiir yazdı :)

Sen Bana Aşıksan Ben de Sana Aşığım

Belki daha güzel kokabilir
Belki daha güzel olabilir
Ama kimse onun kadar sevgili olamaz.

22 Mart 2013

Missing

can illuminated thin screens under the blankets
carry the warmth over the distances?
when the corpses who once sharing warmth
are lying under the cold soil
while the furnitures we carried together
are staying still in the same exact points
and sending zombie memories back cruelly
while the bodies are rotting no faster
than my soul is
when every vital breath is
rooted in the past
and
while
every
crucial
moment is
fleeting
from your weak existence.

Untold

Click on the image to enlarge.

I was thinking about the fundemantals of human-to-human communication for a while. I was trying to understand the system and the dynamics of the data traffic between two individuals looking at each other and trying to understand each other. Using words, symbols, mimics, postures and silence to transmit your messages to the one in front of you. Is it really possible? In practice, it seems possible because we can communicate with the ones around us somehow, in our daily lives.

What I am going to put forth is not a "so authentic" approach indeed, but my point of action is that sometimes we miss the meaning of the untold area in our communication.The way I portray the situation is given in the above picture. Once our brains started to work (prenatal period), we begin structuring our mental realm in an increasing fashion, through the time we spent from the scratch, until now. In the very moment of now, we have a cognitive potential carried and developed from our past. However, for the most of the human beings, it is not likely to be aware of their cognitive potential fully because we, humans, forget, misinterpret, misremember etc. :) So you see above that the area of the awareness is a subset of the cognitive potential which includes the mental reflections of our past and the time being. As we do not tell everything we are aware of, the amount of the things we talk about must be a subset of the things we are aware of.

On the other hand, we have the realm of the untold, where the most of our mental existence resides. Besides, from the time slice we are living in, we sometimes design future and talk about our projections. And in the most of the cases, our envision is not sharp. To be honest, we usually say things far from the reality to come in future. In other words, we are future-blinds. To sum up, the area of the told consists of three different groups:

The words about the past: We can't remember properly, we can't retrieve information rationally.
The words on the time being: We are not fully aware of our very current state.
The words on the future: We have no idea about the "real" future so we bullshit a lot :)

As you can see, told is not so important. It does not respresent who you really are. Moreover, told is usually designed, it's like acting, it's the way we tell our stories to each other. We connect distinct and discrete things, persons, happenings, sayings etc. and make up subjective stories to tell, to believe, so on. We usually talk in order to justify the things we have done, to translate our past actions into explanations which are terribly subjective and far from the truth.

Please think about the burden we are carrying from our pasts; all the sorrows, surprizes, excitements, happiness, all the action, accidents, experiences. All those have reflections in our minds and, at the same time, this process (litearally our lives) shape us physically: the way we stand, we look, we cry, we touch etc. Therefore, the untold dominates our existence and we have to learn communicating through the untold. The secret is there. Fortune tellers and "so called" psychics have got this talent of cold reading and if they can do this well, mixed with hot reading, they can easily convince people that they've got super-natural powers.

I know that I am too assertive by stating that the powerful key of the communication is hosted in the untold area. Especially, being aware of my conclusion is contradicting with Martin Heidegger's prompts a big question mark in my mind. Heidegger was saying that:

"Language is the house of being, which is propriated by being and pervaded by being."

Actually, in a way, we are talking about different things. Language, literally, might be the house of being as a tool but the sum of the told words for a being cannot be considered as a language, I think.

To make the story short, I am saying that just try to read the things other than you're told. The silent being hides a lot to dig. You may come up with a fortune or a rotten soul after you dig it.

Stop.

Beast

It's another Sunday afternoon and I am reading Charles Bukowski for soothing my soul.
I am going to share the poem, "Beast", from the book What Matters Most is How Well You Walk Through the Fire, part 3. The Turkish version of the book is Kimse Bilmez Ne Çektiğimi.
I am writing both the original and the translated versions of the poem below.
Enjoy.

my beast comes in the afternoon
he gnaws at my gut
he paws my head
he growls
spits out part of me

my beast comes in the afternoon
while other people are taking pictures
while other people are at picnics
my beast comes in the afternoon
across a dirty kitchen floor
leering at me

while other people are employed at jobs
that stop their thinking
my beast allows me to think
about him,
about graveyards and dementia and fear
and stale flowers and decay
and the stink of ruined thunder.

my beast will not let me be
he comes to me in the afternoons
and gnaws and claws
and I tell him
as I double over, hands gripping my gut,
jesus, how will I ever explain you to
them? they think I am a coward
but they are the cowards because they refuse to
feel, their bravery is the bravery of
snails.

my beast is not interested in my unhappy
theory—he rips, chews, spits out
another piece of
me.

I walk out the door and he follows me
down the street.
we pass the lovely laughing schoolgirls
the bakery trucks
and the sun opens and closes like an oyster
swallowing my beast for a moment
as I cross at a green light
pretending that I have escaped,
pretending that I need a loaf of bread or
a newspaper,
pretending that the beast is gone forever
and that the torn parts of me are
still there
under a blue shirt and green pants
as all the faces become walls
and all the walls become impossible.

Translation is by Avi Pardo, as usual.

öğleden sonra gelir canavarım,
bağırsaklarımı kemirir,
başımı pençeler,
hırlar,
parçalarımı tükürür

öğleden sonra gelir canavarım,
başkaları fotoğraf çeker ve
piknik yaparken.
öğleden sonra gelir canavarım,
pis pis sırıtır bana
kirli mutfak döşemesinden.

başkaları düşüncelerini durduran
işlerde çalışırken
benim canavarım onu
düşünmeme izin verir,
mezarları ve ruh sıkıntısını,
çürümeyi ve harcanmış yıldırımların
iğrenç kokusunu.

rahat vermiyor bana canavarım,
öğleden sonra geliyor,
kemiriyor ve pençeliyor,
ve tanrım, diyorum ona ellerim karnımın
üzerinde, iki büklüm, seni nasıl
açıklayacağım onlara? benim bir korkak
olduğumu düşünüyorlar,
ama asıl onlar korkak olan
çünkü hissetmeyi reddediyorlar, salyangoz
cesareti onlarınki.
canavarım ilgilenmiyor mutsuzluk
teorimle-bir parçamı daha koparıyor,
çiğniyor, tükürüyor

kapıdan çıkıp yürümeye başlıyorum,
peşimden geliyor.
kıkır kıkır gülen güzelim okul kızlarının
yanından geçiyoruz,
fırıncı kamyonlarının
yanından geçiyoruz,
ve güneş bir an için istiridye gibi
açılıp kapanarak yutuyor
canavarımı
yeşil ışıkta karşıya geçip
kurtulmuşum gibi yaparken,
ekmeğe ya da gazeteye ihtiyacım varmış gibi yaparken,
canavar sonsuza dek gitmiş gibi yaparken,
benden kopardığı parçalar
hala orada, mavi gömlekle yeşil pantolonun
altındaymış gibi yaparken,
bütün yüzler duvarlara,
bütün duvarlar imkansızlığa dönüşürken.

Do you sometimes think of your beast(s) my friends?