Isolation

Photo by PalePictures

I usually follow no one. I don't want anybody to follow me, or depend on me. I like healthy transactions between persons. Healthy means no potential for causing expectations from each other: When you're with me, do what you want, if you want to. And please don't expect me to do something because of the things you did with me. The dangerous chain of expectations and responsibilities must be avoided, I think. There is no need for emotional burdens to bear in my life. 

It might sound like a motto of freedom or independence. But it's not. It really is not, because I know the impossibility of defining myself independently from the others. If I am tall, there are short ones around me. If I am bad, there are good persons around me. Every quality that I cast to myself is relative to the qualities of others. It is a trap. The trap of existence. The human condition that we are alone, we are free, we are mortals, we are not going to extract enough meaning from our lives... 

To come back to my story I started above, I can say that I feel isolated most of the times. I could be laughing to you, telling witty jokes etc. but deep in my soul, I am terribly isolated. And unfortunately, I know that there are no peaceful harbours for me to fetch, which means no one can be my salvation other than myself. So I am the only one to deal with myself and cure myself. Besides, the feedbacks that are received from some good friends of mine would be helping me knowing myself in a better way. 

Life is such a thing for me my friends: lonely, chaotic, iterative and evolutionary. And finally, life is better with you :)